Quiet Thoughts

I know it may sound silly, but to this busy mom a shower is almost sacred. It's one of the few times I get to be alone with my thoughts. Normally those thoughts are lost or pushed to the back of my mind before I get the chance to express them to another human being, so tonight I thought I would "write" them down so I can look back and reflect on them, and also so I can be held accountable for change in my own life that should come from those thoughts.

I don't know why, but tonight my mind was focused on our opinions and perspectives of people. People make judgments by nature. We have to judge what we feel is best for ourselves and our families, or judgments of what we believe to be right or wrong, and the list goes on. We look at others' situations, physical attributes, behaviors and traits, and at times we are in awe of how amazing they seem, and sometimes even inspired to better ourselves in some way because of them. However, I feel more often than not we get wrapped up in the negative.

How many times are we taking something trivial, something from the heat of the moment, (or something down right none of our business) and thinking someone is wrong, questioning their motives, actions, or behavior, and/or thinking we know better, etc.?! The truth is we all have those of us we are close to or associate with on a regular basis that we probably don't want to see, realize, or admit it to ourselves, but that we are overly critical of. Unfortunately, once we allow that negativity to surface it seems as if that's all we see.

I am not a perfect wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, friend, or neighbor. I am, unfortunately, not always kind. I have many character flaws. At this stage in life my kids, house, vehicles, and even myself are not always clean and put together, organized, or maybe whatever else someone thinks we/they should be. Here is the truth though, everyday I am trying to do better. I am trying to be a better person. I do not intentionally hurt others, let things go undone because I'm lazy, etc. I am trying. Everyday I try. Somedays I try harder than others because I have that extra motivation, and some days I have bad days and fight against battles unseen to the eye, so I do not try as hard as maybe I should, but everyday I am doing the best I can for that day. Why do I say all this? Because I need to remember that everyone else is doing their best, their best for that day and their best for their personal situation. Am I going to disagree with people? Yes. Am I going to question people? Yes. Am I going to think I sometimes know better? Yes. But what I do with those thoughts after I have them is what is going to make the difference. If I can remember that we are all just doing the best we can, the best for that day, the best for our situation, that we all (most of the time!) have good and sincere intentions, then I think I can be a little forgiving and less critical.

A quote by Mother Theresa came to mind when I was thinking about this, I can't remember it word for word, but it is along the lines of: when we judge someone we have no time to love them. What if we chose love instead of judgement, if we could be more forgiving instead of offended? What if we chose to see that a person is trying their best? What if we decided to realize our way is not the only way, and we do not always know best? We all have different circumstances, talents, and even flaws. Most of us are trying to better ourselves and overcome them. Most of us realize our flaws, and we do not need a cruel reminder, what we need is understanding and love not judgment. We are more encouraged to change our negative behavior when we feel understood and loved, not criticized and judged. And on the other side of it, what is amazing is once we start to look past another person's faults, we begin to see more and more to love about them, instead of adding on to our list of things we dislike.

The world would be such a better place if we could let go of negative, unnecessary judgment. If we could realize that we are all navigating this thing called life the best we can, and remember that we ALL (us included) make mistakes. We ALL have character traits, behaviors, etc., that someone, somewhere doesn't like about us. I truly believe that other people will rise to our perceptions of them. If you look at someone in a negative light, they will continue to act that way (maybe because you can never see anything beyond that and maybe because they do not feel they can ever "win" with you, so they do not even try), but if we see others in a positive light, they will live up to it..not only because we choose to look past the negative (because it will be there..again, we all have our moments) but also because you are helping them see what and who they can become, because you are helping them feel loved, and love is the most powerful thing I know of.

I do not say this to sound negative or boastful at the same time, but just to use a real-life example. My husband and I each have our flaws. We each have behaviors we dislike in each other, and those that our families probably do not like about either of us. But love is blind, in a very good way. Because I love Stephen, I know his heart, I know that he has good intentions, even through any negative behavior, I can look past that, and I can see the truly incredible man that I married. No, he is not "perfect" in the eyes of the world, and of course he makes mistakes or has behaviors I do not love, but he truly is a wonderful man with a good heart. And it amazes me how I come to love him more and more, more than I ever would have imagined when we first got married. In marriage our flaws and irritations only become more evident as time goes on, so how do we come to love a person more after those surface? Because we know them, we know their heart, and we see their efforts. If we could take the same philosophy we have in a marriage of trying to love some more instead of less as more disliked behaviors surface, and we could actually apply it to our other relationships good things would happen. We would all be happier because we ourselves would feel more loved if others were practicing this, and we would be surrounded by amazing people, those that we could truly see how amazing they were.

The more time we spending judging someone, the less time we have to love them. My new (personal) challenge is to love more, judge less. To let go of the little things, or even those things that seem "big" in the moment, and instead to try to look at a person's heart. We are all fighting an unseen battle. We all need more love and less criticism. We all have the ability to become more than we are, and we can be helped along that path when those around us are a little more forgiving, more understanding, and less critical.